So we knew it had to happen at some point, and that time has finally come... a blog post with no pictures.  The past couple weeks have been wetter than the previous few months, but thankfully not all of it was rain.  We did get a bit of snow during the first week of December, but it only stuck around for a day or so before being washed away again by rain.  Christmas is now 9 short days away (8, if you're using the German day of Christmas celebrations) but deep down I don't think I can say it really feels like Christmas.

At home Christmas is always a time of decorating, baking, watching cheesy movies and most importantly snow.  I can't remember the last time I was home for Christmas and we didn't have at least a little snow.  Here it seems that a white Christmas really will be only a dream for me.  The Christmas season is also normally one when petty annoyances are set aside and I really try to appreciate the people in my life and the time I get to spend with them.  While it is nice that I have friends here who I have a lot of fun with, as well as super roommates who are quickly becoming some of my best friends in Germany, the people I'd really love to be with now is my family.

This will be my third year living in Europe and not returning back to the US for Christmas.  The first year, when I was doing my Rotary exchange in Bavaria, I was living with a host family.  While it was difficult living away from my family for the first time and not seeing them for the holiday, living with another family who cared about me made it much easier to bare.  The second time, when I was studying in Austria,  I was living in a dorm and most of my friends were either at home for the holiday or traveling to see friends.  Luckily my best friend at the time, Kelsey, was still in the city and her mom was visiting as well.  It was nice to have a bit of the family feeling (in the form of a surrogate mother), though the holiday was still more difficult than the previous time.

This year, I plan on celebrating with two of the other Fulbrighters who will still be in the area.  I am expecting it to be not too much different than the previous time in Austria, except for the fact that I believe I am a much more mature person than I was three years ago.

By that I mean, the older I get, the more family oriented my life seems to become.  Three years ago, I was very much in the mindset of getting up, out and as far away from my hometown as possible.  With that, my family (who still lives back in my hometown) didn't factor into my life picture too much.  I was so happy to be living somewhere other than the US, and I was so concerned with myself and what my life would hold in the future that it was sometimes hard for me to be interested in where my loved ones factored in.  Yes, I am a self-centered person by nature, but aren't most of us in some regard? For me it seems to be mostly in terms of my goals.  If I want to accomplish something, nothing is getting in my way.  I am often told that drive is a gift, but sometimes it can feel like a curse, especially when I look back on the past few years and realize that the drive I've had could be misconstrued for selfishness.

Now that I am older (and a teeny bit wiser) I am beginning to more and more realize how important family is.  I have friends from my hometown that I will always love and will always look forward to seeing, I have friends literally all over the world who I would welcome into my home with open arms in a second, but I am aware now more than ever that family are really the ones who will be there for you til the end.

With that in mind, I must admit that so far this holiday season has been one of the hardest I have experienced.  I miss baking elaborate Christmas cookies with my grandma, watching Bing Crosby movies with my dad and even just sitting in the warm glowing combination of fireplace and Christmas tree at my mom's house.  I have tried to bring a little cheer to my room by making paper snowflakes, drawing a (pathetic) Christmas tree on my white board and burning holiday scented candles.  The next week or so before the holiday I will try my best to be more excited about Christmas, but it definitely won't be easy.  On the days leading up to and on the 25th I will constantly be thinking of my family at home and wishing them all the best.  Though I don't always take the time to tell them (and even if I sometimes do it through cheesy blog posts), I hope my family knows that I truly love and appreciate them and wouldn't change them for the world!

Until Next Time,
Chelsea